I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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