The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
