woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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