the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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