we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
