he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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