tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
