I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
