You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
