I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
The uberlube is also flammable
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
