i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
