I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
