don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
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