elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
