I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Randomize
