I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
