dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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