I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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