doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
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