I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
he told me I talked like a deaf person
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
