My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
