He had one of those small greek statue penises
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
If I had your ass I would rule the world
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
