you traded sex for a burrito?
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
