physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Green mimosas i think yes
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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