Actions speak louder than pants.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
