Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
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