idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Little spoons don't ask big questions
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
