Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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