onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
