So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
