I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
