I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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