Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Randomize
