i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Randomize
