Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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