I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
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