i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
