i was rollin on her like bob the builder
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Holy sore nipples Batman
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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