K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
