I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
