he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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