i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
We had to coat check the pizza.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
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