omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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