I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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