didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Randomize
