Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Randomize
