What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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