dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
