i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Randomize
