Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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